but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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