Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
