I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
