we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
