The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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