My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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