my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize