I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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