My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
