return my video game
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
