I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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