Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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