I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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