Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
