i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
