I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
