he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
