I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
