You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dick very happy bro
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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