ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
