Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
