dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just gift wrapped bread.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
