My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
