I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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