He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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