so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
