you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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