Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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