the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
