I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
