All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
