the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
