i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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