Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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