Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
