After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
