im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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