AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
