I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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