Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
