and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
