Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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