Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
