Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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