i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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