i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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