i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we're making bets on your personal life
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
