i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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