He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
