If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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