I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
