im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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