dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
