Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
