Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
