This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
