Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize