I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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