I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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