Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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