i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
