I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
