...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
