I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
