note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
