just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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