New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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