You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
