This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
